Mostly, when we think of divorced or widowed mums we think of those left behind with children in their care. However, what we forget is that sometimes these women become single mothers whilst still pregnant; imagine how tough that must be subhanallah! At a time when one perhaps needs their partner the most, to suddenly realise you have no-one there must be quite overwhelming; especially when it took two of you to become pregnant. Does this then mean that these women should not enjoy their pregnancies and that no positivity can be derived from this? Should they hide away and not celebrate this wondrous occasion?! I don’t think so! Remember, the situation you now face has already been decreed 50,000 years before the Earth was created by Allah swt in ‘The Preserved Tablet’ where everything that will come to pass has been recorded. Why then should women feel negative about something that was bound to happen anyway, especially if they were not to blame?!
My teary eyes glisten as I rise from sujood,
My heart trembles with fear as I pronounce the durood.
What if my Salah is not accepted for I am a sinner
Distracted by the allure of the dunya thinking I too, was a winner?
O’ my sisters heed my advice!
Break free from the chains, free from the vice!
It has you round the throat yet you cannot see
Don’t let it be too late, don’t end up like me!
Hijab is not an option it’s a fard upon you
Your soul He will take, your final destination rests upon you.
Who has that much arrogance to leave it to chance?
Have you forgotten He watches as you twirl and prance?
You want Allah swt to bless you yet you ignore His command,
Oh sisters if only you knew how severe is His reprimand!
It is for your safety you are told to cover
To bare all to your husband only and not to any other.
Can’t you see the ones with noor are the ones veiled from prying eyes?
Change whilst you have the chance, no man knows when he shall die!
What if you find out then, that this is what made you fall from grace?
What if your final abode becomes the hellish fiery place?
For the sake of Allah swt, to Insha’allah gain jannah – may this be an accepted good deed,
Be wise sisters not foolish, and pay my warning some heed.
A topic close to my heart that has received much criticism in the west from both the non-Muslims and Muslims is the subject of Polygyny. Polygyny is where a man has two or more wives, polygamy in Islam refers to this but its actual definition in the west is the practice of having more than one husband or wife at the same time; for ease therefore, it shall be referred to as being called Polygyny in this article. Polygyny, even between some Muslims is a controversial subject, we know it’s permissible in Islam but some people still have a hard time digesting the concept; Continue reading
When pain overwhelms you and the hot tears fall,
remember Allah has a plan and only He knows all.
When you’re down on your knees screaming and the self-loathing within your head resounds,
remember Allah has not left you, for He is all around.
When you gaze in your own eyes and see nothing but dread,
remember the reward of good deeds carry on even when you’re dead.
When the world turns away and you’re broken and lonely
remember Allah is your true friend, the one and only.
When the pain of injustice burns you inside and sears,
remember Allah sees all and He acknowledges your fears.
When you’re up against the world and are too exhausted to fight,
remember nothing happens without His will and might.
When you read this poem please make dua for me,
We all struggle inside, but you don’t necessarily see.
Struggling with my Deen
Trying to stay clean,
But these destructive thoughts wander around –
Suicidal highs, then I collapse back to the ground.
Haraam desires are a’calling
And I can’t stop myself falling
Into the trap
Until I’m back
To that place where I don’t want to be;
How desolate, how pathetic is my reality.
I guess I’m just weak
Cos no matter how much I seek
Peace, I cannot seem to find,
And now I’ve really gotten myself into a bind.
Yesterday I attended the “Being Me, Me Myself & Allah” conference in Kensington; at first I was a bit hesitant about going because I know my kids get restless too quickly and that I get agitated when they do; but now I’m glad I did because I learnt so much mashallah!
The conference started from 10 and finished at 6 but we only stayed until 3 so I missed some of the talks but heard the ones I felt most relevant to me. This is a write-up of the notes I made from the conference especially for those sisters who could not attend, in the hope that they too, may benefit from the knowledge of what was said.
The first speaker to kick off the conference was Ustadh Musleh Khan, his bio reads as follows: Musleh Khan was born in Madinah, Saudi Arabia. In 2002 ustadh Musleh was accepted at the Islamic University of Madinah where he completed a diploma in Arabic followed by a BA in Islamic Law from the faculty of Da’wah and Usul al-din. Ustadh Musleh has been counselling and offering spiritual support to sisters for almost10 years. He has conducted several sisters only classes/intensive courses on several topics including: The Complete Muslimah, A Muslimah & her husband, and Women & politics.
The talk was entitled: Finding true happiness and the notes were as follows: Continue reading
I feel, right now, like I’m drowning. I feel like I’m being pulled under by a huge tidal wave and I’m powerless to escape, leaving me to watch my downfall through horrified eyes. I wonder why no-one else can see it in my eyes, the panic and fear – the breakdown that feels imminent. Is it normal to feel this way so often? To always feel like at any moment the mask of sanity might slip leaving your real face exposed? What would the whispering voices say then, if I simply let it out and screamed loudly never stopping until I had no voice left with which to vocalise my pain and loneliness? I see nothing in my eyes, they look dead to me, is this too, normal? Peering into myself, trying to recognise who looks back at me, trying to regain some sense of familiarity with myself but seeing nothing but blackness and dread. I had a nightmare once about dead boys, their eyes were dead, you could see the life had been sucked out of their eyes and they looked ahead blankly – buttons shiny and black instead of eyes, that’s how I see my own eyes. Should that scare me? Continue reading
They say life makes you wise; it does, but not for the reasons you may think. You learn to recognise the signs that suggest dishonesty and lies; you see the warning cues now, but only because you have been burned so many times. You learn to be cautious but only because you are so distrustful. Naivety disappears to be replaced with hardness and a will to survive no matter what the cost. Most of us, at some point, realise we aren’t as pure as we once thought we were and that our dark passenger is lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce when the opportunity arises.
It is after slipping up so stupendously, that most of us build our resolve and morals develop as we vow never again to make the mistake we once made. Our subconsciousness can be a very dark place to be; it’s where we keep violent tendencies bottled up, our evil thoughts locked away in a secret box – how many of us really though, accept this side of ourselves?
Depression is subject that is still a taboo in many cultures; victims of depression are told that they are too weak mentally and waste time thinking about useless thoughts. They are simply told to pray salaah and make dhikr to get over it, but what many people do not understand is that when suffering from depression, a person’s eemaan may be low. Making dhikr when having no faith and no conviction in the words they are saying, may therefore not help; other methods need to be sought out too in conjunction with salaah and dhikr. Many people have no sympathy simply because they do not understand what depression is and how it affects the sufferer. I hope to explore this topic here and talk about how it has personally affected me when trying to parent my children. Continue reading
The stupidest thing I ever did was to let a man make me feel substandard. It’s true what they say, you know in your heart he isn’t right in some way and you just put it down to fears or thinking “he will never treat me like that”. They get under your skin and use your weakness against you, the tears that they once could not bear to see falling from your eyes now has no effect on them. Now they tell you that you are moody and dramatic – they should see how they behave when they are ill! It’s simple, they get bored and that is supposed to be your problem which you are meant to fix; Allah only knows how they have the time to get bored when they should be thinking about their Akhira and impending death! But this shows something clearly, their focus is not on their Deen, and is someone like that really right for you anyway? Would you want someone like that teaching your son how to be a man? One sod is enough, do you really want to hate that you gave birth to another?! This is a blog written full of anger at how I see my sisters – good sisters being mistreated by men. I wish I could just say “ukhti it’s going to get better” but unless they believe it this wont have any effect on them. Continue reading