The struggle of THIS single Muslim mum

Struggling with my Deen
Trying to stay clean,
But these destructive thoughts wander around –
Suicidal highs, then I collapse back to the ground.
Haraam desires are a’calling
And I can’t stop myself falling
Into the trap
Until I’m back
To that place where I don’t want to be;
How desolate, how pathetic is my reality.
I guess I’m just weak
Cos no matter how much I seek
Peace, I cannot seem to find,
And now I’ve really gotten myself into a bind.