Who do I speak to about the agony in my heart?
Who do I tell, that I have felt cursed from the start?
It’s just a game, attention seeking, to you all.
Pretended you didn’t watch my demise, my fall
With a look of nothing short of disgust
And then you wonder why I distrust.
You praise my beautiful words; my talent; my skill
Not realising it does nothing for me, gives me no thrill.
And how could it when I know what you all think of me?
When you all pass judgement, thinking I can’t see?
You left me to bask in my misery. I’m so utterly alone,
For in this lonely life, it’s YOU who have set the tone.
I wanted you to be proud of me. My hot tears slip down,
But when I look to the left and right there’s no-one around.
Struggling to survive; struggling to cope; struggling to breathe
Pain renders me useless, it cripples me as I sob and I heave.
I need professional help because of the cruelty of others?
Of sisters; and brothers; husbands; fathers; and mothers?
Am I really that unworthy of your patience and time?
Have I really with my pain, committed an unspeakable crime?
That you would brush me off, ignore responsibility
Have you really no concern for what will become of me?
To you your way then, and to me, mine
Just put this down, to a silly old rhyme.
But remember the angel of death waits for us all;
And what will you say, for whose help will you call?
Then on that day when He judges us all
Maybe it will be YOU who will be made to fall.
We fell in love so beautifully,
And ours was the greatest love story the world had ever seen.
But happiness lasted just one short month,
And then the demons came and it turned into a terrifying dream.
Poison fell upon our kisses, rotting our hearts with lies and greed,
A young bride wept blood red tears for her groom afflicted with madness.
Unable to undo the spell alone she fell ill
Whilst he raged on blindly in his constant badness.
She pleaded, she begged, she screamed and cried
but she could not penetrate his heart.
How terrible circumstances were now
A lifetime away from how they had been at the start. Continue reading →
My teary eyes glisten as I rise from sujood,
My heart trembles with fear as I pronounce the durood.
What if my Salah is not accepted for I am a sinner
Distracted by the allure of the dunya thinking I too, was a winner?
O’ my sisters heed my advice!
Break free from the chains, free from the vice!
It has you round the throat yet you cannot see
Don’t let it be too late, don’t end up like me!
Hijab is not an option it’s a fard upon you
Your soul He will take, your final destination rests upon you.
Who has that much arrogance to leave it to chance?
Have you forgotten He watches as you twirl and prance?
You want Allah swt to bless you yet you ignore His command,
Oh sisters if only you knew how severe is His reprimand!
It is for your safety you are told to cover
To bare all to your husband only and not to any other.
Can’t you see the ones with noor are the ones veiled from prying eyes?
Change whilst you have the chance, no man knows when he shall die!
What if you find out then, that this is what made you fall from grace?
What if your final abode becomes the hellish fiery place?
For the sake of Allah swt, to Insha’allah gain jannah – may this be an accepted good deed,
Be wise sisters not foolish, and pay my warning some heed.
Hey, how you doing, how you feeling today?
I don’t really care but it’s politer this way
Because I can’t stand to see all the pain that you’re in
So I turn my head away, and let your depression win.
And I tell myself that I’m a good caring man
But we both know the truth I just don’t give a damn
My own life, my struggles are all that I know
Just simple acknowledgement is what you wanted me to show
But this is the real world and this is our life
No time for anyone’s pain be it my son or my wife
And this is the way that the world has become
All of the good deeds so easily undone.
Now that I’m old I want people to care
But they don’t and their indifference is more than I can bear
They turn away from the pain in my eyes
They pacify themselves with atrocious lies.
No-one stops to help the other
Be it her sister, daughter, her aunt or her mother
We pass on by just ignorant travellers within
And then we wonder why in life we don’t win.
Stop and look at the world around you, you may not be able to physically help but you can make dua and spread awareness. We will all have to answer to Allah swt one day and pleading ignorance will not help us then.
Eyes of stone regard me
No compassion upon your face,
Am I that unworthy
That you stare at me with such disgrace?
Hearts gone cold to the cries of anguish
Not wanting to see the scars I brandish.
Turn away from me again and again
Turn away so you can’t feel my pain.
I channel my torment into my words
Cos I noticed my screams went unheard.
But you don’t see my misery in my eyes
Don’t wanna hear, don’t even try…
When pain overwhelms you and the hot tears fall,
remember Allah has a plan and only He knows all.
When you’re down on your knees screaming and the self-loathing within your head resounds,
remember Allah has not left you, for He is all around.
When you gaze in your own eyes and see nothing but dread,
remember the reward of good deeds carry on even when you’re dead.
When the world turns away and you’re broken and lonely
remember Allah is your true friend, the one and only.
When the pain of injustice burns you inside and sears,
remember Allah sees all and He acknowledges your fears.
When you’re up against the world and are too exhausted to fight,
remember nothing happens without His will and might.
When you read this poem please make dua for me,
We all struggle inside, but you don’t necessarily see.
sadness and fear
but no-one is here.
Anger and pain
rip me up just the same.
Worthlessness and disguise
unable to compromise.
Loneliness and uncertainty
Think I’m crazy, they do certainly.
Aspirations of annihilation
till nothing’s left – extermination;
of this world, of this pain
let this blood flow once again.
Let chaos rain with the thunder
hearts ripped out – torn asunder;
bleeding out, bloody and raw
and with it all let the misery pour.
Negativity is my sanctuary
it’s the life I know, it’s all I see.
These are the thoughts that cloud my head,
raging over in my mind till I wish I was dead.
And whilst my personality glitches giving you glimpses of the real me,
this is as close as you get – the most I will allow you to see.
Struggling with my Deen
Trying to stay clean,
But these destructive thoughts wander around –
Suicidal highs, then I collapse back to the ground.
Haraam desires are a’calling
And I can’t stop myself falling
Into the trap
Until I’m back
To that place where I don’t want to be;
How desolate, how pathetic is my reality.
I guess I’m just weak
Cos no matter how much I seek
Peace, I cannot seem to find,
And now I’ve really gotten myself into a bind.
Do you know what it’s like to be me?
Flipping hopeless, wasted opportunities is all I see.
Life’s all a mess, no future goals
Sanity slipping away, trying to regain some control.
I got no prospects – me,
Never ending responsibilities.
Can’t manage my shit, to whom do I turn
They watched me struggle, watched me crash n burn.
Cos ain’t nobody gonna help you but you
Ain’t nobody gonna hurt the way you do
And ain’t nobody gonna rescue me now
I gotta get out of this situation somehow.
It’s me on my own and I’m keeping it real,
Words, my weapon of choice that I choose to wield.
Promoting awareness, I stand up like a soldier and fight,
Even when darkness overcomes – vanquishing the light.
I’ll do my thing and you do yours
cos in the end, all I got is MY cause.